


honey tea and the absolute last of my fucks

by Lizardlicks



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 12:49:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18623620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizardlicks/pseuds/Lizardlicks
Summary: Karkat isn't having the best day, but obnoxious hatefreinds might make it bearable.





	honey tea and the absolute last of my fucks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cl0wnf11sh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cl0wnf11sh/gifts).



> A quick erikar ficlet for my fishtroll server mini swap! I got cl0wnf11sh who requested some erikar and sick fic!

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  \--

  


CA: hey

CA: hey kar, you there?

CA: your status says youre online

CA: i just wwatched the WWORST movvie on trollflix you are not gonna believve the utter levvels a bafoonery on display here

CA: the wwhole creww has got to be up for a Cullie this swweep

CA: the hack job a this editing oh my cod

CA: you need to wwatch this wwith me i need someone to share this experience

CA: i can set up a stream if you aint busy

CA: hey

CA: did you leavve me on read?

CA: wwhatevver youre mad about i swwear i didnt mean it

CA: kar?

CA: kaaaaarrrrrrrr

CG: OH MY LUSUS SHITTING FUCK, ERIDAN.

CG: I DIDN’T “LEAVE YOU ON READ,” I FELL ASLEEP WITH MY TROLLIAN APP OPEN.

CG: A CRITICAL MISTAKE ON MY PART, SEEING AS YOUR MESSAGE NOTIFICATIONS HAVE ROBBED ME OF THE SWEET, SWEET EMBRACE OF OBLIVION I ONLY JUST MANAGED TO CLAW MY WAY INTO MERE MINUTES AGO.

CG: SO THIS TIME I *AM* GOING TO LEAVE YOU ON READ, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LIKE THAT?

CA: howw am i supposed to predict your cockamaimie sleep bullshit

CA: its hardly past midnight wwhat kind a cretin is asleep at this hour

CG: I HAVEN’T SLEPT IN THREE DAYS.

CG: MY SINUSES ARE LEAKING OUT OF MY EYEBALLS AND I’M SEEING SOUND.

CA: aww shit you got a cold?

CG: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

CA: kar

CG: HAHAHAHAHA- SHUT UP, I’M NOT DONE- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

CA: seriously?

CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

CG: THIS IS NO *COLD*.

CG: NOT SOME LAUGHABLE CASE OF SPRING TIME SNIFFLES.

CG: NO, THIS IS MISERY MADE MANIFEST IN MY UPPER RESPIRATORY TRACT.  THE HANDMAID HERSELF IS LOVINGLY FUCKING MY THROAT *THROUGH* MY SNIFFNODES WITH A CULLING FORK, AND SHE FORGOT LUBE.

CA: eww

CG: IF MY GANDERBULBS ARE NOT AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE FORCEFULLY EJECTED FROM THEIR SOCKETS WHEN I SNEEZE, I WILL BE SHOCKED.

CG: DEATH WOULD BE A WELCOME REMEDY TO MY SUFFERING RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

CA: i knoww i aint exactly in a position to be lobbin stones here but you might wwana start wwith somefin a bit less drastic

CA: havve you tried tea

CG: THAT WOULD INVOLVE STANDING.  AND MOVING. AND A BARE MINIMUM OF FINE MOTOR SKILLS COORDINATION.

CA: cant your lusus get a cup for you?

CG: BIG DUMB CRAB CLAWS. ):B

CA: wwell fuck

CA: thats a bullshit predicament if i evver heard one

CA: guess theres nothin else for it

CA: havve you got honey or no?

CG: I HAVE NO IDEA, AND ALSO WHY ARE YOU ASKING?

CA: makin a list a provvisions a course

CA: you think id charge into a campaign wwithout properly preparin? wwhat kind a rube do you take me for?

CG: PREPARING FOR WHAT?  AMPORA, WHERE EXACTLY ARE YOU CHARGING?

CA: your hivve a course

CA: cod kar try an keep up

CG: I DIDN’T ASK YOU TO COME TO MY HIVE, THOUGH.

CA: obvviously

CA: if i wwaited for you to ask youd expire from wwallowwin in your owwn patheticness

CG: HEY!  FUCK YOU!

CA: tell me im wwrong

CG: I’M NOT OBLIGATED TO DIGNIFY THAT WITH A RESPONSE.

CA: haha yeah

CA: see you an me wwere twwo sides a the same mint

CA: wwe get each other thats wwhat makes this thing wwork

CA: so quit your bellyachin and let someone take care a you for a change

CG: FFFFFFFF 

GC: *SIGH* OKAY.  FINE. HAVING SOME COMPANY WOULDN’T BE THE WORST THING, I GUESS.

CA: that’s the spirit

CA: go back to gettin some shuteye and ill be there in a couple hours

CA: gonna stop for groceries then lusus the snot out a you

CA: literally

CG: PFFFT, DON’T SAY IT LIKE THAT.

CG: AND DON’T EXPECT TO HAVE FUN GOSSIP BUDDY TIME, I’M LITTLE MORE THAN AN AMBULATORY FLESHSACK OF CONTAGION.

CG: EVEN THE AMBULATORY PART OF THAT DESCRIPTION IS QUESTIONABLE.

CA: wwouldnt dream of it

CA: just rest up

GC: THANKS.  SEE YOU SOON, I GUESS.

CA: soon as i get there

 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is idle --

 

CA: <>

 


End file.
